doctor chante

Change your mind, change your life.

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    My thoughts on grief...

    What is grief? I think grief feels like a deep sadness and pain which can be physical as well as emotional. It’s like experiencing a situational depression phase; nothing matters, lack of motivation and interests, and too much or too little sleeping or eating. I think most people think of grieving when someone passes away, but grief and loss happen more frequently than we may realize. The loss of the way things were, like relocating or adjusting to life after a breakup can provoke feelings of grief and loss. There are 5 stages of grief: anger, acceptance, bargaining, depression, and denial. These stages happen in any order and we can repeat stages.  We grieve things that were significant to us, meant something, or held in high regard. Grief means there was an attachment or a connection, and connection is why we exist as humans. 

    Grieving hurts and sometimes we create defenses or ways we learn to protect ourselves from the pain. For example, sometimes we end a romantic relationship prematurely, to ensure that we don’t get our hearts broken first, “I am going to hurt you before you hurt me.” Some of us do everything we can to keep all of the people in our lives, even if that means enabling hurtful behavior.  Sometimes people put up walls and create distance in relationships to guarantee emotional safety, this is effective for the most part, until it stops working. Then what?

    Substance abuse is another way we try to protect ourselves from getting injured. If we can’t feel anything, we don’t feel the agony. Anything in excess can be a way to numb the pain; video games, porn, binge watching on Netflix, or even reading books. These are examples of avoidant behaviors that can help us avoid grieving. All of these “effective” ways to dodge pain “help” for a minute, until the alcohol wares off, the shows are over, or we return to reality and still have to deal with current situations. 

    We have to feel our emotions in order to heal. We can’t keep away from creating attachments because we are a tribal species, we really do live to connect with each other. Life happens and things change, which can result in experiencing a loss and initiating grief. The bad news is grief is inevitable and the good news is grief is inevitable. Go through it to get through it and it will feel better once it’s over. Grief and loss are part of the human experience and it involves building relationships and feeling what losing those connections is like, along with learning/growing/changing. 

    I got teary-eyed while writing this post and needed to take a break and return to finish it. I have decided to leave Infinite Healing & Wellness. I have learned so much and grown in ways I didn’t realize I needed to and I am grateful for every part of it. I LOVE my team and always will. It’s time to go, so I can grow. Kelly (the founder, owner, and most importantly my friend) told me, that my wings are too big to spread under hers <3 I have been grieving and it’s not fun. I also know this grief is necessary as this is a connection that I will miss greatly. I am being brave with allowing myself to grow and courageous enough to grieve during this transition. Ugly crying in the lobby is not my finest hour and it’s also necessary to get it out. Lots of hugs and lots of tears. I encourage you to face fears, learn, and grow in ways that you didn’t think you were capable of... And I encourage you to grieve the losses and be open to the gains. 

     

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